~ Michiyo
Flicker of a flame
I was told not to let this flickering flame go out, to die. They said it represented something important but wouldn’t tell me what it was. It was something for me to find out by myself. No one could do it for me. But for some reason I couldn’t quite comprehend, I found it important to know what it was. Not for them but for me.
A gust of wind and snow was determined to push me back and I had to turn around, to turn my back against it so that it wouldn’t kill the flame on my hand. I had to move backwards to get forward, to the place where I was supposed to go. Before I moved out to this journey, they had told me to reach a little shrine atop of the mountain. Only then, they said, I would understand something that was going to change my life for good.
Cold tingled my cheeks and I had to lower my stance a little closer to the flame to stay warm. Or as warm as you can be in this weather, which wasn’t much but still something. I kept moving, I had to. Otherwise I would freeze to my spot even though I had dressed as warmly as I knew for this journey. Slow steps… but still moving. Always moving.
Flame on my hand grew smaller every minute, always flickering and I tried to cover it more to keep it alive. I even tried to blow life on it but it was no use. It was almost like my breath was freezing solid when it escaped my mouth. I moved faster, not going to allow this flame to die. Not now. A little while longer, you can do it, little flame. I’m going to find out what this all means.
As I climbed backwards to reach the top, I could see how far I’d come instead of how far I still have left. There was some reward in that in itself – at least I could say I made progress even though the top of the mountain wouldn’t look any closer. I have a confession to make. I was reluctant to take this flame. I wasn’t sure if I could take care of it and do this or not. I was scared when I said that I’d do it. But now, as I looked over my shoulder and started to see that sacred shrine atop, I was happy that I tried.
It took a long while, total of hours and minutes too many to keep track on, but finally I arrived to my destination. It was a small shrine but still somewhat beautiful. There was the altar full of unlit candles. I looked at the flame on my hand and suddenly I realized what I needed to do. I took flame closer to the candles and even though the flame had grown small, there was still enough fire left for all candles.
I shivered and tried to keep myself warm, stepping lightly closer to the candles. Then I remembered what they had said to me before I accepted this journey. That I was supposed to understand something important by doing this. I thought and thought and thought but couldn’t think of anything. I didn’t learn anything. Was this some joke, to send someone climbing the snowy mountain in a blizzard? If it was, it wasn’t funny to me.
I was almost ready to shout to the world of their treachery but then, in that one moment of utter silence, I realized something. I had done it. I had climbed all the way to the snowy mountain top and managed to light all the candles from the flame I had nurtured and taken care of during this time. It was no easy task but I did it all the same. This startling sensation of pride gushed through me and it brought smile to my lips.
